From the archives: 1991
The daemonic headache took me
in the middle of the parking lot
of the suburban Chicago eatery.
Who was screaming in the van with me?
I heard the screams but did not know
they were flying from my mouth.
Seeing my children looking at me
so young, scared, so confused.
How did the cops know to come?
The sirens escorted us to the nearest
hospital, where they would offer no
relief for pain until all tests were done. …
Transforming, Integrating, Regulating
I know an old lady who was scared of the ocean
she was scared of the water, she was scared of the motion
she wanted to swim, but she didn’t know why
she flipped and she flopped, she thought she would die.
I know an old lady who didn’t die, she turned on her back and reached for the sky. She reached for the sky, coz she wanted to live.
She wanted to give what she didn’t have.
She wanted to love, she wanted to try,
she wanted to swim, she wanted to fly.
I know an old lady who decided to…
On Cinco de Mayo
Rest in power, my little diva girl Bunni. You found me 11 years ago, guided and supported my healing and recovery. You taught me how to live my life fearlessly and with a ‘tude. You taught me how to self-care, with your disdain for kids and kibble and your love of turkey, and all things dairy (especially plain yogurt). You loved all cheeses, you did not discriminate. Gouda was good and cheddar was better. Mascarpone on rusk, pieces of paneer, cream cheese on toast, you accepted them all graciously. Broccoli with butter or coconut oil was…
Many caring people ask someone who has been ill, “Are you better?” “How are you doing?” Perhaps ask instead “Can I help?” “How can I support you?”
Everything is relative. After months of isolation and weeks of feeling tired and unable to breathe, I ended up in the ER of my local hospital again after 7 years, on April 4th. Admitted immediately, what was wrong was not diagnosed immediately. That took a week. The lungs, filled with fluid of malicious bronchial pneumonia with an underlying unidentifiable infection was the culprit, affecting the already strained heart. The medications to…
In & Of Itself: Derek DelGaudio’s documentary of Self Realization
“Every secret has a unique weight to it, and you can only carry it for so long”. Who I Am: my identities, my definitions of myself. Watch *In & Of Itself* on Hulu starting today.
In & Of Itself. Link to trailer.
I had been endeavoring to live like this for many years, but coming out of my 6 week coma in 2014 I lost all sense of who I (or others) thought I was and through dissociative integration a new and radically authentic identity was born. You can never…
Healing from Developmental Trauma
What does it mean to belong? Not to another person, not to a family, not to a community but To Belong: to feel a part of one’s surroundings, to the world, to be present in the Universe. Imagine, if you will (which goddess knows I could not until fairly recently) if you felt you did not Belong. When others have looked out at the canyon in my backyard, oohing and aahing over it’s grandeur, I could not comprehend what it meant that I was part of the world I was born into and currently living in…
I couldn’t remember walking in through the rounded door behind me. I was in a small vestibule, but one that did not open into a larger room as one would expect. There was a stairway spiraling up the center of this room. The vestibule was circular. I walked two dozen steps around the central stairs and found myself back at the rustic wooden door…did I come in through that door?… its panels held together with wide straps of a steely gray metal, its hinges and handle glistening.
A queasy feeling came over me, my stomach tightened into knots, my…
To know where you're going find out where you've been. I strive to be joyful. I read. I write. I’m grateful.